Never Say Never Gap-Filler
by Lori - SixteenOzs
Summary: (MG/EC) Continuation of the Episode. Elizabeth confronts Mark about his feelings for Susan.


"Never Say Never" Gap-Filler  
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)   
  
DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes, and the author is not making a profit.   
  
SUMMARY: This scene begins after "Never Say Never."   
  
This story, along with all of my fan fiction can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/sixteenozs02/fanfiction.htm Feedback is welcome. Please send all questions, comments or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com   
  
RATING: PG   
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was written based on the assumption that Rachel's bedroom was upstairs in Mark and Elizabeth's house.  
  
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I would like to thank Ros, Cari and Megan for all of their help in looking over the drafts of this story and giving me such great feedback. Thank you all so much!  
  
*****   
  
The dim lamp on the changing table provided the only illumination in the nursery as Elizabeth sat in the rocking chair by the window, feeding Ella. As much as she complained about not being able to sleep or enjoy music or just have time to herself, she had to admit that she loved the moments like this. The moments where it was just the two of them, where she was able to watch their daughter and marvel at how amazing she was.  
  
Tonight, however, she couldn't stop her thoughts from returning to Kenny Schudy. She knew that there was no way she could even begin to understand what those parents had endured for the past six years, and because of that, she couldn't pass judgment on them. Yet as she lightly caressed the back of Ella's hand with her thumb, she couldn't help but wonder how they could walk away from their child without looking back. Then again, Ella was healthy, and while she required a great deal of care and attention now, Elizabeth knew that she would grow, she would learn to care for herself and she wouldn't require the constant attention of her parents.  
  
Elizabeth also knew the chances were slim, but she could only hope that the Schudys just needed a little time away, time for themselves, and then they would return for their son.  
  
"You certainly are hungry tonight," she commented to Ella. With a gentle laugh, she added, "Did you have a big day?"  
  
A few minutes later, she heard the front door close, and from the footsteps on the stairs she knew Rachel was home.  
  
Stopping at the door to the nursery, Rachel wondered, "Dad home?"  
  
"Not yet," Elizabeth replied, shaking her head.  
  
"I thought he was off at six. It's after seven," Rachel remarked as she looked at her watch.  
  
Elizabeth sighed softly as she tried to ignore the possibilities running through in her mind. "He may have gotten held up on a case in the ER."  
  
"Okay," Rachel shrugged, "I'm going to my room to call Janet."  
  
"I thought you just spent all day with her?" Elizabeth questioned with a confused expression.  
  
"I did, but we still have stuff to talk about. She's giving me the dirt on all the people in school."  
  
"Okay. Just be sure not to ignore the call waiting, if it comes on. It could be your dad or the hospital, and I need to take those calls."  
  
"We could avoid this problem if you and Dad would get a second line or a cell phone for me," Rachel suggested with a hopeful grin.  
  
Chuckling softly, Elizabeth said, "We'll see. Have you had dinner?"  
  
"If you're not going to fix anything, I was just going to grab some cottage cheese and fruit."  
  
"I had a salad when I got home, and I'm not sure what your dad has planned, so that would probably be best."  
  
"Cool," Rachel replied before continuing down the hall towards her room.  
  
Looking down, she noticed that Ella had stopped nursing. "All done?"   
  
As Elizabeth lifted Ella to her shoulder, the little girl let out a cry.  
  
"Shhh," Elizabeth whispered as she began to lightly rub her daughter's back. "It's okay. It's okay. You miss Daddy, don't you? He'll be home soon."  
  
Sighing, she added under her breath, "I hope."  
  
Closing her eyes, Elizabeth rested her cheek against the side of Ella's head as she hoped they would both be able to relax. Ella's cries soon stopped, but Elizabeth continued to hold her until she heard the front door open again after about twenty minutes.  
  
"Hey. How is she?" Mark wondered softly as he stepped into the nursery a short time later.  
  
"Okay, a little fussy. She just had dinner," Elizabeth replied as she continued to rub Ella's back. "How about you? Did you eat?"  
  
"Yeah, I grabbed something at Doc's." A tense silence seemed to hang in the room. Trying to make conversation, he asked, "Did you ever find the Schudys?"  
  
"No," she said quietly as she shook her head. "They signed the consent, then they left. I don't even really know why they signed it. It was all fake: the address, the phone numbers, everything."  
  
"So what'd you do?" he questioned curiously.  
  
"The only thing I could do," she shrugged. "I called the police to see if they could help locate the Schudys and I called DCFS. Adele said we could keep Kenny in the SICU and the hospital as long as we felt it was necessary, and if his parents still hadn't returned, he'd probably be transferred to a state long-term care facility. His chances at adoption are practically nil. There are some foster parents who request special needs children, but he'd require constant, twenty-four-hour care. Adele said it probably would be next to impossible to get him a placement."  
  
"Maybe his parents will come back. Maybe they just needed some time away to deal with everything," he offered, trying to sound as optimistic as possible.  
  
"Maybe," she replied unconvincingly. After a moment, she looked to him and asked, "Did you get held up with a case?"  
  
He hesitated a moment, but then admitted, "Not exactly. Susan stopped back by the ER. I convinced her to come back to County as an attending. We just started talking, catching up on everything, and I lost track of the time."  
  
Elizabeth couldn't find her voice immediately. After the initial shock wore off, she questioned, "She's going to be working at County?"  
  
"Yeah. At the rate Weaver's getting rid of doctors, I figured we should jump at the chance to bring a doctor like Susan on board," he explained while carefully trying to gauge his wife's reaction.  
  
As soon as he said it, Elizabeth felt the muscles in her neck and shoulders tense. Not wanting to deal with the real questions running through her mind at that moment, she asked, "What do you mean, the way Weaver's getting rid of doctors?"  
  
"Haven't you heard the latest?" he asked with a confused expression. After she shook her head, he explained, "Chen resigned today."  
  
"Over the Marfan's case?"  
  
"I think that's the main reason," he confirmed. "They decided to revoke her chief residency, but she told Weaver she was quitting all together. So Weaver was going to offer the position to Carter."  
  
"Revoke her chief residency?" Elizabeth questioned in disbelief. "I don't remember the hospital ever firing, or even demoting, anyone because of an accidental death or a potential malpractice claim. Hell, knowing Weaver, she probably sacrificed Chen to save her own ass. God knows she was willing to hang you out to dry the minute Romano complained."  
  
"She claimed risk management was worried about liability issues," Mark explained with a disgusted expression.  
  
"That figures," Elizabeth huffed. "Blame it on the administration. But wait a minute, I thought she didn't want Carter because of his recovery."   
  
With a shrug, he offered, "Apparently she changed her mind. But we're still down two docs with Chen and Malucci gone, plus the attending we were already searching for. It just seemed to make sense to bring Susan back."  
  
Ella suddenly became entranced by a lock of her mother's hair, which she eagerly grasped in her tiny hand. Elizabeth turned her head and managed a slight smile as she watched Ella. Several moments passed before Elizabeth sighed softly, then stood and carried Ella to the crib. While gently laying the baby on her back, Elizabeth whispered, "Okay, Sweetheart. You've got your tummy full, now it's time to take a little nap."  
  
After covering Ella with the blanket, Elizabeth turned and left the room without another word. Mark followed her downstairs a moment later and watched as she sorted through the mail on the dining room table.  
  
With a heavy sigh, he finally wondered, "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or do I have to guess?"  
  
She turned to look at him with a long, cold stare. "I'm just trying to figure out when you're going to stop making unilateral decisions in this marriage."  
  
A blank look came over his face as he wondered, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You really have to ask?" she huffed.  
  
"Last time I checked, mind reading wasn't one of my specialties," he retorted sarcastically.  
  
Throwing the mail back on the table with a loud slap, Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest. "Okay. What if I spell it out for you? Last week, you told Rachel she could move in with us, without consulting me first. You 'forgot' to tell me about your lunch date. And you didn't bother to talk to me before hiring your old girlfriend back to work in the ER."  
  
For a moment, Mark was too flabbergasted to respond. Recovering, he shook his head ruefully. "First of all, I didn't know I needed your permission to bring my daughter into this house. Second, I didn't mention lunch with Susan because I was trying to avoid THIS. It was JUST lunch, Elizabeth. And furthermore, I didn't realized I needed your approval on staff changes in the ER."  
  
She stopped and drew in a slow, deep breath, realizing that they were both getting very close to saying something they'd really regret, that is if they weren't there already. "Mark, having Rachel here doesn't bother me. She is your daughter, and she will always be a part of your life, so she's always welcome here. What upsets me is that you didn't even go through the pretense of talking to me first. Of course I wouldn't have objected, but it would have been nice if I'd known about it before Rachel. And, no, you don't need my approval for ER staff changes, but your old girlfriend, Mark?"  
  
Now it was his turn to sigh. "Okay. I should have talked to you before I told Rachel she could stay here. I'm sorry. But as for Susan, she's just a friend. We never dated. I hadn't seen her in five years, so, yeah, I was happy to see her again. And the reason I asked her to come back to County is because I know she's a good doctor and we're severely short-handed right now. That's all, Elizabeth."  
  
The fire that she'd felt well up inside just moments earlier suddenly seemed to evaporate. Slowly, she walked to the sofa and settled deeply into the corner, hugging a pillow to her chest. She wanted to believe him when he said they were just friends, but she couldn't ignore the nagging doubts in the back of her mind.   
  
Staring at a spot on the floor, she quietly said, "I was in the ER this afternoon, looking for the Schudys. When I wasn't able to find them, I sat down at the desk across from Curtain Two and tried calling the number they left on the consent form. It was a pizzeria that had never heard of them. Then I called the police and asked them to go by the address they'd given. While I was sitting there, trying to figure out what to do next, Haleh and Chuny were in the main hall, stocking supplies. I heard them mention your name, so I started listening to what they were saying. They were talking about the day Susan left, the way you couldn't take your eyes off her during Lydia's wedding, the way you ran all the way to Union Station after her, the way you were miserable for weeks after she left. Then, they said you seemed happier today than you had in a long time." She clenched her jaw tightly to keep it from trembling as she tried to deny the sting of tears in her eyes. Forcing herself to look at him, her voice cracked as she wondered, "How do you think that made me feel, Mark?"  
  
"Oh, Elizabeth," he whispered as he sat down next to her on the sofa, then gently turned her so that she was facing him. Caressing her cheek with the back of his hand, he simply said, "They were wrong."  
  
Seeing her skeptical look, he drew in a deep breath and began to explain. "I met Susan when I was an intern, and she was a third-year med. student. We became friends almost immediately, but Jen and I were together, so it was never more than that. When Jen and I split up, Susan had just lost custody of her niece, who she was planning to adopt. Her sister came back and took the baby to Phoenix. We spent time together and helped each other through a lot. About six months after my divorce was final, Susan decided to move to Phoenix to be closer to them. I didn't want her to go. I didn't want to lose my best friend. So, I ran to Union Station just before her train was scheduled to leave. I caught her just as she was getting on the train. I told her how I felt, but, uh, she left."  
  
Mark saw his wife's jaw clench, but he decided to continue. This was something he should have told her before, but until now, there'd never been a reason. "That was almost five years ago. Except for the occasional birthday or Christmas card, we didn't really keep in touch. I got a letter from her a couple months ago saying she was coming to Chicago and would like to get together. We called back and forth, and finally set up lunch for today."  
  
Several long moments passed as she tried to take in everything he'd just told her. But there was one question that kept running through her mind. Even though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer, she finally asked, "Were you in love with her?"  
  
He sighed heavily. It had been a long time since he'd asked himself that question. After considering his reply, he honestly answered, "Yes and no. Susan helped me through some very rough times, and for that I am grateful. When she told me she was leaving, I was afraid of losing that. I thought that meant I was in love with her. I cared about her, and in a way, I suppose I still do, but only as a friend. I confused a very good friendship with love."  
  
Reaching out, he gently lifted her chin so that her eyes me his. "What I felt for Susan on that train platform five years ago is nothing compared to what I feel for you right now. You're the one I love, Elizabeth. You're the one I married, and you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. As far as I'm concerned, nothing will change that, not even Susan coming back to work in the ER."  
  
Even though the sincere look in his eyes assured her he was telling the truth, she gently bit her lower lip and hesitated a moment before asking, "But what about the things Chuny and Haleh were saying?"  
  
He thought about this, then shrugged. "I'm not sure. But I do know that it took me quite a while to realize that I'd confused my feelings for Susan. Maybe it's not such a stretch that they never considered that. And while it was good to see her today, that was only because I've missed having a friend in the ER."  
  
She nodded thoughtfully as she closed her eyes and slowly began to relax into the sofa.  
  
After she remained silent for the next several minutes, he carefully wondered, "Elizabeth? Are we okay?"  
  
Opening her eyes, she turned her head to look at him and smiled slightly. "Yeah. We're okay. It's-it's just with everything that's been going on the past few weeks - staying up all night with Ella, me going back to work, adjusting to Rachel living here..." she trailed off.  
  
"With all that, what?" he prompted.  
  
Glancing away from him, she sheepishly admitted, "I suppose I was feeling a bit insecure."  
  
Chuckling softly, he caressed her cheek. "You have nothing to feel insecure about."  
  
"Thank you," she whispered before tenderly pressing her lips to his.  
  
The kiss slowly came to an end, and she rested her head against his chest as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Do you want to do anything tonight?"  
  
He thought for a moment, then said, "Surprisingly, I'm not that tired. Feel up to a movie? We've had the Cast Away DVD for a while now, and still haven't gotten around to watching it."  
  
Before Elizabeth could reply, Rachel came down the stairs, the headphones from her portable CD player still around her neck.  
  
"You're off the phone already?" Elizabeth questioned with a grin.  
  
"Janet's mom needed to make some calls for work, so she had to go. I was just listening to some CDs and working on my nails." Showing off her fingernails, which were painted a metallic purple with what looked like flecks of silver glitter, she asked, "What do you think?"  
  
"It's certainly..." Mark stopped, searching for the right word.  
  
Smiling, Elizabeth supplied, "Colorful."  
  
"Yeah," Mark agreed with a quick nod, "colorful."  
  
"Thanks," Rachel grinned. After a moment, she wondered, "Do we have any popcorn?"  
  
"Yeah, it's in the cabinet to the left of the stove," Mark answered.  
  
"We're getting ready to watch Cast Away. Want to join us?" Elizabeth offered.  
  
"Cast Away?" Rachel questioned as she scrunched up her nose. "As in Tom Hanks talking to a volleyball for three hours? I think I'll pass."  
  
Mark just laughed as he got up and walked toward the television, retrieving the DVD from the bookshelf along his way.  
  
"Hey, where's the popcorn?" Rachel called from the kitchen a moment later. Holding out a jar of unpopped kernels. "All I found was this."  
  
"That's popcorn," Mark laughed.  
  
"Yeah, but where's the microwavable?" Rachel questioned in confusion.  
  
"We don't have any," Elizabeth answered as she stood up and walked into the kitchen. "Have you ever had popcorn like this before?"  
  
"I don't think so," Rachel said, shaking her head. "Or if I have, it's been a long time."  
  
"It's really easy to fix," Elizabeth explained as she opened a cabinet under the island and pulled out a hot air popcorn popper. While she set up everything, she added, "This is also a lot healthier."  
  
Rachel considered this for a few moments while she sat down and propped her elbows on the counter, then rested her chin on her palms. "Yeah, I guess you're right."  
  
"Don't you remember that we had one of these when you were little?" Mark wondered as he entered the kitchen and stood beside his daughter.  
  
"Not really," she shrugged.  
  
Chuckling as he recalled the memory, he said, "You used to sit just like that, watching in awe as the popcorn came out, then asking a dozen questions about how it could go in seeds and come out popcorn."  
  
"I did not!" Rachel protested even as her face flushed.  
  
"Uh-huh," Mark nodded with a knowing grin.  
  
A few moments later, Elizabeth divided the popcorn into two bowls. "Are you sure you don't want to join us for the movie?"  
  
"Nah. I should really catch up on some emails from my friends in Saint Louis," Rachel said before picking up a bowl of popcorn and heading back upstairs.  
  
After cleaning the popcorn popper and returning it to the cabinet, Mark and Elizabeth walked back into the living room with their own bowl. The moment Mark reached for the remote to start the movie, they heard a cry filtering down the stairs.  
  
Sighing, Elizabeth remarked, "She has such perfect timing, doesn't she?"  
  
With a laugh, Mark nodded. "I'll get her. Just don't start the movie without me - or eat all the popcorn."  
  
"I'll try not to," she grinned while reaching into the bowl.  
  
When Mark returned a few minutes later, he held Ella in his arms. "Look who I've got."  
  
"Bad dream?" Elizabeth suggested with a smile as they sat down beside her.  
  
"Wet diaper," he supplied. "After I changed her, I thought about it and I figured if we keep her awake now, she'll be more likely to sleep later, while we're trying to do the same."  
  
"Good idea," she laughed softly while reaching out and gently caressing their daughter's cheek. "Hi, Sweetheart."  
  
As he shifted Ella so that she was cradled against his chest, Mark wrapped his free arm around Elizabeth's shoulders and wondered, "Ready to start the movie?"  
  
"Yeah," she whispered as she picked up the remote and settled into his embrace.  
  
A moment later, Mark leaned over and gently kissed his wife's temple. For a moment, her eyes met his and she smiled softly. As she turned her attention back to the movie, her hand gently came to rest on his leg.  
  
*****  
  
I'd love to know what you think. Please seed all comments and feedback to: SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com LLP  
  
January 1, 2002 


End file.
